“Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” Pope John XXIII
Books have been written on just this subject. That’s exactly why you should do something different in your profile without being way out in left field. There should be at least two things that are not commonly seen in other women’s profiles and unique to you, men like uniqueness. And men don’t like to read on and on about all the things you like to do. It’s a known fact that it’s the photo that got him to your profile and you only need to give him a taste of you and not the whole meal. He does need that touch of information to get him to make that email response, but he has read a million “walks in the sunset” and who doesn’t like that. If you have a profile out there, you should be rewriting it every two or three months, tweaking the information. Good sources of material, for your profile, are the men’s profiles themselves. See what they are looking for and if you find a phase, and it fits the person you really are, use it. It has been suggested that one paragraph is about all they want. Answer the questions that are asked to tell more about you. Answering with pride, passion and optimism will draw him to you. Keep the tone friendly and fun. If you come on with an angry tone, confrontational attitude or conveying frustration even if you think it’s funny, you will draw in angry, confrontational and frustrated men.
What you put in your profile is exactly what type of person you will meet. Don’t write lists of what you are not looking for, you will not get positive responses. People read what you write and they respond to what you write. The bottom line here is to elude confidence, write only something positive, strong and amazingly unique, exciting and upbeat. Positive draws positive.
After the face photo, men like a woman with a good body. They will be looking for hints that you are fit and not over weight, all the more reason to jump into an exercise program and into a fit and ageless body. A fit body rings of health, another question men in their sixties are concerned about, but don’t come forth and directly ask. They will look for signs of “youthfulness” throughout the profile. Don’t say you are athletic and toned, if you are not. But do put the bug in their ear that you are loving your new yoga classes or that you are back into tennis or some such exercise program that lets him know you care about your health. If you need more motivation, check your BMI and post it on your bathroom mirror. Don’t let your ageless exercise program slide. If you have started a program and it’s not fun after a month, start something new. The secret to exercise is doing something that’s fun for you. Exercise can take years off your chronological age give you a lower biological age. Google, Biological-Age, and take the test. It will give you pointers on how to lower your score, a goal worth going after. In the speed dating study—Hurry Dates, Robert Kurzban and Jason Weeden, found in terms of woman’s physical attractiveness, men were immediately turned off by a high BMI, that is, men generally chose thinner woman with more attractive bodies.
I’m a real promoter of good posture. I think, no matter your body type, poor posture adds years to your chronological age, projects poor self-confidence and poor health. I can’t tell you how this one item tells so much about you. Tall standing women are incredibly attractive at any age.
I’m not saying there are no men out there looking for curvy, big and beautiful; it’s just not very many.
Next to lying about their height, men are notorious for lying about their body type, so be sure to look at the secondary photos checking out the activity shots. Pass on the sunset photos and pictures of some distant temple or waterfall. If short men are not your preference, be sure to up the height limit on your profile, as most men shrink with age or let their upper body muscle decline developing poor posture, and then list their high school height. There’s nothing so disappointing when you meet the guy and he looks so much older than he really is. Men complain about women not being what they say they are or look like their photos, yet studies show that men are just as bad and in some cases worse.
I don’t recommend putting down any income. I personally think this opens up doors that, as a woman, you don’t want. Listing your career or former career if retired, gives them enough to go on and if the connection works, you can go deeper into each other’s financials. Anyone who’s really interested should want you for you, not for your bank account, but those guys are out there. If he is expecting you to carry your weight financially, he will post that he is looking for someone who is “financially independent”. Let me say this here, if you are lonely and going on any internet dating site, you must be extra careful as there are men out there looking just for lonely women especially if you are recently divorced or widowed or have ended a relationship. Most men, according to an OKCupid study, embellish their incomes by a good 20%. Men find this easy to lie about. So I, and other experts, advise NOT to answer this question.
When it comes to interests, be sure to check what you really like. Don’t check “camping” unless you really like camping and check only the sports you actually do, not watch. Use the word, “I”, occasionally. For example, “I love to travel” makes it more personal rather than “love to travel”. The more real the profile the less genetic it will sound and the closer you will get to his “feeling” good about you. The secret in attraction is getting him to feel comfortable with you, feeling like you are approachable, fun to be with and yet not throwing it in his face, letting him discover you.
Know your audience, who you want to attract, the type of guy you are attracted to. What you like, he will like. Think about things you like to do, maybe something that you haven’t done since childhood and put that into your profile:
I‘d love to find a guy to go kite flying
……………………………. to rent a Ferrari for a day
……………………………. to walk the Gold Gate Bridge
……………………………. to search for old records at garage sales
……………………………. to go to a cooking classes
……………………………. to photograph the Sonoma Coast
……………………………. to wash my car
……………………………. to search the sands of Petra
……………………………. to discover the best pizza in NYC
……………………………..to search beaches for M.I.B.s (message in a bottle)
I’d love to find a guy to_______(your choice)____________________________
This opens the conversation, men are more shy than you think. This gives him something to respond to that can get that first email happening. Just make the question something that you relate to, something that interests you and humorous.
PHOTO: This seems to be the most controversial element of the profile. Why do people judge one by their “face”? Why is “Facebook” called “Face” book? Whether we like it or not, your face is your most important selling point, at least in the beginning of the meeting interchange. It’s our culture. It’s on the cover of every fashion magazine and you can try to change it, but it’s not going to happen in our lifetime.
- Must Be Current: The big complaint is that the photos are old. Post the photo with the date, which should be within the year.
- Take a fresh head shot for the main photo. Why? The larger the face, the better you look!!! Super close ups seems to capture the eyes and eyes captivate. Have a friend with a good fashion sense play photographer. No fancy background. Don’t use direct sun light, use an afternoon shade light, no shadows. Find the good angle, we all have one, but your eyes should look at the camera. They call this the ¾ photo angle. Take hundreds of photos…..it will take that many to get ONE good one. Might try several outfits…..you shirt color can bring out the color of your eyes, so pick a simple, one color outfit. And, yes, makeup, but not too much. As we get older, less is better. Watch the jewels. And yes, play up your eyes. Remember: it’s all about selling your “face”.
- Pick three to four other photos, at least one should be full length, again showing a body from an attractive view. These secondary photos should be close-ups with a simple background, remember they want to see you, not the trip you took. Family photos are OK, but don’t over do it. Think: simple. Think: all photos show you looking great! Otherwise omit!
AGE: This is a tricky one. The assumption is that all women “fudge” on their age. And I have found , so do the men. This is up to you. If you look your age. Use your age. If you look younger, and are comfortable, tweak it. It’s so unfair to be judged by what is the practice out there. Again, use your judgment and be ready, if the need be, to be up front about it. I’ve talked to many men about this, and have gotten both answers: “they always lie about their age, I expect it” and I have met men who will not go out again once they found out. This can cause sleepless nights…..a year or two isn’t going to matter to someone who really likes you. Studies have said that up to six years older, can work in a relationship and women tend to out live men. This makes it something to talk about. Older women, The Baby Boomers, have to compete with the younger woman. And this is always going to be out there. BUT today’s sixty gal is not your mother’s sixty. We need to not get so “hung up” with chronological age. If we are in good shape, and most of us are, it is the Real Age Test that Dr. Oz suggests, that helps see where we really are health wise, physically and mentally.
For me, it’s about “attitude” and not age. If you feel and act like an old lady… you are. BUT if you feel, are physically fit and think younger, have some younger friends, you have an attractive attitude that rings a younger chronological age. Once again, what you have to do is get you–this new “investment”, out there. You need to have The Match Man like your look. He needs to say to himself, “I’d like to meet her.”
PROFILE NAME: Profile Name—Sometimes the simplest is the best. Don’t be cute. Different is good, but not so different. Stay away from: Cougar, Rover, PartyGal, anything that might have a double meaning. Even a name as fun as TennisAce might give someone the wrong impression, use Tennis, but leave out the Ace. I think you can learn a lot about the person from the name chosen, so be sure to think about it.
TAG LINE: Short and simple, quotes are good. Think of a movie line or song lyric or a poetry phase. A personal description in two or three words is great. One I liked: “Summer in Tahoe, Winter in Mexico”…”The girl next door”. Always think of this as an up beat, positive introduction.
ABOUT YOU:—The first draft should list everything about you, what you like to do, what career/careers you have had, family, where you were born… EVERYTHING you can possibly think of and then sleep on it. This will run you about 500 words. The next day, rewrite. You need to ask yourself the question: What do I take out to give the reader “wanting more”? If I tell him everything, he has no reason to want to get to know me. Mystery is exciting. So give him the clues but don’t give away the story!!! Don’t ramble, don’t repeat, and don’t say:…”my friends say I am a happy person”. Don’t bring friends and family into this. It’s how you see yourself. You have got to win them over, after all you are a good investment. So tell them why, but briefly. Leave room for questions, leave them wanting more info. Remember, most readers only read the first 100-200 words anyway! So don’t write more than that!!! And be different…who doesn’t like walking on the beach at sunset! Grandma’s, don’t get into the grand kids!!! It only adds to your age. In fact, keep family out. Whether you get along with your ”ex” and kids or not, that’s part of your mystery! Keep it there.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR: Now is the chance to be more specific. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, say so. If tennis or golf is important to you, say so. If you have season tickets to the ball game, say so. Again, don’t be so inflexible that the man feels he is totally not going to get to first base. So be “open”. Allow for some odd suggestion to come your way. Maybe something like: “…go camping, but really enjoy indoor plumbing!” Any humor in any part of the profile is greatly appreciated. If you can imagine reading dozens of profiles and getting bored! One guy’s profile when asked what he was looking for in a woman, simply answered one word: “Smart”.
FAVORITE THINGS: Stretch you mind here and include at least one “off beat” activity you like to do, even if you haven’t done it for twenty years, but would do it again…..going to the zoo, kite flying, roller skating, beer with ice, swing dancing, baking bread, Cher in Vegas, dark chocolate, fly fishing …. Do you have a quest: photography–old French country houses or bridges or sunsets; chasing twisters; traveling to all seven continents; walking empty beaches; hiking the Coastal Trail, walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, going to the top of Fuji. Find something exciting, fun, exceptional, and as long as it is “you”, use it!
Creativity, intelligence and humor are musts in your profile. You don’t need to go all out, just one sentence that will catch his eye telling him you are different in a nice way. Your last sentence should also leave an impression, something fun, perhaps even a question:
P.S. When I win the lottery, what new car would you like?
P.S. Have Veuve Clicquot in my fridge, what’s in yours?
P.S. Have 300,000, what’s in your mileage account?
P.S. I like my hamburger medium rare, how about you?
P.S. I need a new camera, any suggestion?
P.S. Are you a Starbuck’s or Peet’s guy?
P.S. Do you sleep with socks on?
P.S. Do you sing in the shower?
IN THE END: Don’t read other profiles until you have done your own. We have a temptation to copy. You might want to add something once you have yours set. But, don’t start out that way. Being original is refreshing. Remember, you have an investment in yourself and you want to make it pay off.
You want to show yourself in “nothing less than a good light”. Omit the use of negative words: don’t, exhausting, hard, unfit, must be, etc. For example, “I work hard, looking for a partner to relax with.” Omit the, “I work hard”, it’s too much info, you can tell him about your job over a glass of wine!
