“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball
Note: Nola @ 78
Men don’t bother to check out your photos of you doing fun and exciting things because the dating sites have these computer-cut-off age brackets. That is, the guy never sees your photo up on his matches if your age is over the listed age he has checked on his profile. And most men who are age appropriate want a “younger” woman. YET WE KNOW WOMEN OUTLIVE MEN AND AGE BETTER! Therefore, what I’m saying is that you need to beat them at the game, otherwise you won’t get to go for a test drive with this guy whose profile seems perfect.
What do you do? You lie about your age. The online dating system is set up so that unless you are under forty, where age does not matter as much, you need to hit the computer age brackets; and to do just that and get responses on your profile, you have to lie. The popular brackets are usually five-year spans: 50-55, 55-60, 60-65, or maybe he’s aggressive and posts 50-60. That means if you are 61 or 66 you miss out. So you need to place yourself into that lower bracket. When I first started on match I posted my age at 65 and got many responses and as I turned 66, it was a different story. Yet I had not changed, looked different or became another person. That’s when I had to start becoming aggressive and contact profiles I thought were appropriate for me. It was only my picture that kept me going. I found even men 75 searching for women 55-65, even if they were on the older side, they considered women really old at 66. To me it seems like when it comes the chronological age number, you can’t win, the “social clock” is against you. Especially, as we get older we find men younger by a year or two to be a better fit. So to get into his bracket, you need to change your age. You would not have the chance to meet men if you don’t misrepresent yourself with a little white lie about your age. Just keep it to age and not everything else.
HOWEVER, you can lie if you can be the new ageless age you say you are and you have posted recent photos. When he meets you and feels your upbeat attitude, he’s not going to be thinking about the age number you posted on your profile. If you don’t look your posted age, you are setting yourself up for a bad date. I dropped ten years off my real age and I ”believably” and “physically” became that younger person. On Match, I only dropped eight years and I get responses that I look much younger than my photos and my posted age. No date I’ve ever had has asked me my age after we have met, only happy comments that I look as good or better than my photo. I have concluded that it’s my persona that matters more to them. If there is chemistry and physical attraction, you go from there. When you are at a party and meet a guy and he becomes interested, he does not ask you your age. If you connect, you get to know each other, you will tell him the truth, you will know when it’s right to do so. You do not have to on the first date, as there are no rules.
Psychology Today, Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and journalist wrote in her article, What Freud Never Knew, after a Washington Post and Boston Globe study on blind dates, Mehta concluded that, “while age seems paramount in the abstract…in practice, when two people actually go on a date, the age difference might not have as much importance as other considerations, such as physical attraction and compatible personality.” Supporting this interpretation, the authors argue that the study had experimental conditions that were strong approximation of those in real life.
Is it O.K. to lie on your dating profile? I think Evan Marc Katz hits it right on the nose in is blog post, Understanding Men. Find Love, when he says that online dating profile lying, “… isn’t something that only others do. Like speeding and getting ‘creative’ on your taxes, lying online is something that ‘we’ do as a form of semi-acceptance rule breaking…lying, while not morally defensible, is at least UNDERSTANDABLE from a practical standpoint.” Both men and women lie about their age. One study found that 33% of the men that answered the survey lie about their age, while only 17% of the women. Online dating studies conclude that some 81% of people misrepresent their height, weight and age. Men are notorious about lying about their height and weight. Unlike my date with Mr. “bookwriter—–“, most misrepresentations are slight very few are major—a guy 5’8” will say he’s 5’ 9” and call themselves athletic and toned when average. They probably were 5’9” and athletic and toned in high school. I personally found that with men in their sixties their primary photo was six years old and so too with their secondary photos, until the last one…then you get to see the real thing; so be sure to scroll to the end and not get carried away with the wonderful photos of sunrises and sunsets. If they are not clear photos, ask: “Gosh, love the mountains and sunset! Love to see you, how about an updated photo of you, the man of my dreams!” Flattery will get you everywhere.
If you are on an online dating site, just for your information, you can always change your age by going back to your “setting” and change your signup information, that’s why some people never age. My second or third date on Match was with a guy that was 6 years younger than my chronological age. I liked him, but was a little insecure about the age difference declining a second date. Two years later we run into each other and I found out his full name. I Googled him to find out he lied about his age by six years. He was perfect and I didn’t give him a chance. That’s why it’s good to connect and then fuss up about your age; he might have lied about his age, too. I just blew him off and he has moved on.
When on a match date you do need to be careful as your date might be playing the numbers game trying to figure out your age, without coming out and asking. So be sure to have in your head the new date for the year you graduated from college, your first child, your high school reunion years. Doing a five-year drop is easier than say six and ten years is the best as it just makes everything that has happened in your life come up so quickly, and there’s no hesitation in your voice. Of course, if you do hit it off with this guy, you can always blame this book—I told you to do it!
Psychology Today, Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D., at Albright College studies cyber-psychology and writes that some 60% of online daters lie about their weight, 48 % lie about their height and 19% lie about their age, and ”…men tend to lie more than women.”